Here's How to Process Your Emotions

When someone you love files a restraining order against you, it's emotionally devastating. Although it sounds like a cliché, you may truly feel as though your heart is breaking. Science shows that heartbreak is more than a banal phrase. Your brain reads deep emotional pain the same as it would physical pain, which is why a rupture with a loved one hurts so much.

To reach the brighter side of this unhappy period in your life, it's critical that you learn to handle your love, pain, hurt, grief, or any other powerful emotions in a healthy manner. No matter how strong your love or peaceful your intentions, when a restraining order is issued, you must obey it or face severe legal consequences. Processing and controlling your emotions can help you to get through this. Here are three tips that may help.

1. Name your feelings. You feel what you feel. You may be tempted to numb or avoid painful sentiments, but it's healthier to acknowledge what you're feeling head-on. Research has shown that noticing and specifically naming your feelings can help you to better manage these emotions, make better choices about how to handle them, and prevent them from spilling over to others. For example, whenever you're feeling particularly sad and hurt by the situation, say it aloud: “This really hurts” or “I miss X so much.” You can also write your feelings down in a journal. Naming your emotions isn't an easy process, but it can help you focus on the exact nature of your pain and work to overcome it.
2. Find peace with uncertainty. A court can lift a restraining order at the request of the original petitioner, but there's no guarantee that this will ever happen. You'll need to learn to live with this uncertainty until the pain recedes. The first step to finding peace is thinking about things–apart from being with your loved one–that bring you peace. These might be walking along a beachfront, spending time with friends, playing sports, or simply sitting in the sun. This exercise can be helpful to remember that you have felt peace before, and you are likely to one day feel peace again. Also, consider practicing mindfulness meditation. This form of mediation helps you live in the moment rather than the past or the future. Research has shown that regular practice can lessen depression, stress, and anxiety.
3. Honor your feelings for your loved one. Right now, your loved one doesn't feel safe around you. You may disagree with their feelings, but you should respect them. The best way to show your love is by honoring their desire for space and give them the distance they need. If you breach the restraining order, not only will you get in legal trouble, but your loved one is more likely to want to maintain the order and stay away from you. Allowing them space and showing yourself to be safe and trustworthy sets the best conditions and hope for creating a healthier relationship in the future.

Consult a Skilled New Jersey Family Attorney

In New Jersey, restraining orders last indefinitely. However, if your loved one decides they no longer want or need to order, they can petition the court to lift it. If your spouse or loved one has filed a restraining order against you, it's essential to speak to an experienced New Jersey family law attorney immediately. Attorney Joseph D. Lento has helped many families through restraining order issues. He can help you too. Contact the Lento Law Firm at 888-535-3686 or schedule an appointment online.